Tara Giordano as Dolly and Steven Carpenter as Valentine, her dentist.

(photo: Christopher O. Banks)

'You Never Can Tell': All in the Family

By Tricia Olszewski
Special to The Washington Post
Friday, March 11, 2005; Page C08

Washington Stage Guild's production of George Bernard Shaw's "You Never Can Tell" begins even before the lights go up. From the darkened stage, a man and a woman exchange fervid "oh's!" and "uhn's!," a pop is heard, and the woman then purrs, "Thank you!" Just as audience members are wondering if they've been aural witnesses to something naughty, the stage is lit, revealing a chap walking away from a young redhead reclined in . . . a dentist's chair. Guess you never can tell.

That may be the most risque moment in "You Never Can Tell," one of the early works that Shaw categorized as "Plays Pleasant."

Lighthearted and breezy -- well, as breezy as a two-hour-45-minute play can be -- "You Never Can Tell" is set in an English seaside town and seems more BBC sitcom than multilayered Shaw. There may be a bit of social commentary in its tale of old-fashioned romance versus left-brained cynicism, but you'll be too distracted by the wordplay and plot twists to notice.

In the hands of Washington Stage Guild, a veteran at producing Shaw, the comedy certainly lives up to its affable classification. The company's cast excels at showing the silly side of Shaw's haughtily articulate characters. Here the show is stolen by Tara Giordano and Jason Stiles as Dolly and Philip, the "barbarian children" of single mother Mrs. Clandon (Laura Giannarelli), the author of social reform books.

Learned yet loose-lipped, the pair of teenagers don't hesitate to assault whoever's nearby with a whirlwind of questions, beginning with Valentine (Steven Carpenter), the struggling young dentist -- aka "gum architect" and "ivory snatcher" -- who pulled Dolly's tooth in the opening scene.

Dolly's chattiness turns the dental visit into a social one, with Philip, Mrs. Clandon and elder daughter Gloria (Tricia McCauley) stopping by the office on their way to lunch. The family, not knowing anybody in town, asks Valentine to join them, and later also extends an invitation to his curmudgeonly landlord, Mr. Crampton (Conrad Feininger). As Dolly and Philip attempt to expand their social circle, however, their curiosity turns to a more serious subject, their questions now aimed at Mom: How can they introduce themselves into polite society if they don't know who their father is?

Shaw doesn't bother to make a mystery of the answer for very long: The disagreeable Mr. Crampton -- or "Chalkstones," according to the forgetful Dolly -- is the dad who was dismissed by his resolutely logical wife 18 years ago. Mrs. Clandon subsequently brought her children up to value self-preservation over love, a lesson that causes the usually reserved Gloria great bother when Valentine declares his passion for her.

Stiles's bouncy Philip and Giordano's sometimes shrill, always calculating Dolly kick up the energy level whenever they're onstage, but each cast member makes a sharp presence regardless of how big the role, from Feininger's red-faced Crampton to Michael Glenn as a mouth-breathing busboy. (Glenn also plays a housekeeper in drag in the first act, and a barrister who helps the estranged family sort out their problems in the third.) The cast assumes both the formality of Shaw's language and William Pucilowsky's suits and lacy, floor-kissing gowns effortlessly, with the only stiffness being found in the drinks the upended characters quaff as they try to sort things out.

And even though much of the second and third acts is dedicated to sentiments such as "I would tear out my heart and throw it away if I could!," "You Never Can Tell" manages to eke out an optimistic message about love after all. What could be more pleasant than that?

You Never Can Tell, by George Bernard Shaw. Directed by John MacDonald. Set, Elizabeth Crosbie; sound, Clay Teunis; lighting, Marianne Meadows; costumes, William Pucilowsky. Approximately 2 hours 45 minutes. Through April 3.

Washington Stage Guild
1901 14th St. NW.
Thursdays at 7:30 p.m.; Fridays & Saturdays at 8 p.m.
matinees Saturdays & Sundays at 2:30 p.m.

(240) 582-0050